Double binds – formation, effects, help

Double bind as a relationship trap

Double binds arise in relationships. The term relationship can mean everything that is thought, said, shown or tried to be hidden in a person and in the interaction with other people:

• Loyalty
• Transactions and countertransactions
• Bartering
• Stability
• Affection
• Disapproval
• Security
• Danger

Bonds arise in systems and in turn give rise to systems. A dependency relationship is a highly stable system. Dependencies can exist in a relationship between a company and a client, but also in the private sphere in love relationships and other living communities.

What is the double bind theory all about?

Symmetric and complementary communication

Communication between people is either symmetrical (on par) or complementary (out of balance).

Symmetrical communication

Symmetrical communication means that both partners develop the communication with similar means. Signs of symmetrical escalation are the increasingly violent dispute scenario. Symmetrical communication thus presupposes a pattern of communication accepted and mastered by both sides: similarity in the means available (language, education, etc.) as well as the ability to overcome or compensate for differences in communication.  Thus, two or more people agree to develop their thoughts with common goals or at least in a certain direction. That is why we also talk about mirror communication.

Complementary communication

Complementary communication is the opposite of symmetrical communication. In complementary escalation, on the other hand, one side has or gains dominance while another side increasingly withdraws. Here, there is an imbalance in speaking, gesturing, and also in the way information is shared or withheld.